Friday, June 08, 2007

Letter To Paris

Dear Paris:

First of all let us say how fab you looked in your mug shot. Much better than Mel's, bet he's green with envy.

Since some of us have had to go through the booking process, under much less flattering conditions, we wanted to offer you a few words of support. Keep that perfect chin up.

We certainly understand why you weren't at your best in the courtroom. First they offer you a ray of hope and send you home, then they yank you back into court and send you off to jail. Who does that? The Sheriff was right, the Judge was wrong. By the way it was your best performance yet.

Time will fly by while you suffer for being the best you that you can be. To express our support in a more practical way we've fashioned a golden broach shaped like your perky puppy. Each of us will wear one whenever we attend an awards ceremony or any type of "red carpet" function to let those celebrity hounding creeps know that in your "time out," we are thinking of you.

When you do get released we'll all get together for a debriefing. You have to spill about what you went through. You know, just in case some of us ever find ourselves going through it too. Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Good news Barbara Walters called. She wants you to appear on "The View" when you get out to talk about misunderstood celebrities. We're even thinking about starting a celebrity support group. We kicked around the name MisUnderstood Celebrities Know, but the MUCK acronym just wouldn't go over in Hollywood. By the way we accepted the invitation from Barbara for you, but told her you'd only do it when Elizabeth, HATE HER, goes on maternity leave.


Britney, Lindsay, Nicole and Rosie

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