Monday, October 19, 2009

Wrong Robert

Let me introduce you to Wrong Robert. Occasionally he makes an appearance in my household. He's ill-mannered and short-tempered. He doesn't have consideration for the other person and punctuates his verbal utterances in a loud voice. He's the Mr. Hyde to my Dr. Jekyl. Fortunately he doesn't appear that often.

He emerged from hiding the other day when I returned home from work to two voicemails, both from the same collection agency. I ignored the first two calls last week. I'll explain later. This time I called the toll-free number back to see what was shaking. Imagine my surprise when they said they were looking for Robert Nelson. Then they said it was for a medical bill. Well I was curious since they said it was for a bill from March of 2008. Well I did have hip surgery last year and was in the hospital and a rehab facility about that time, but I told them I had paid all my bills. Could I have overlooked one?

That's when they asked if **** were the last four numbers in my social security numbers. I said what since the person on the other end of the line clearly lacked the ability to pronunciate. She said are your numbers ****? I said no and if they called again they'd be talking to a lawyer. She said since my numbers weren't **** they wouldn't be calling again. Thank God my numbers aren't ****.

You have to understand that Wrong Robert was created when one of AT & T's former baby bells assigned me the same phone number that another couple in Fond du Lac used to have. She, God Bless Her Soul, did sewing piece work and must have been pretty good at it. He however left a string of unpaid bills in his wake. I got calls for more than two years for the couple.

One of those calls was from a collection agency working for Wells Fargo. They called and asked for Robert, my luck the guy had the same first number. When they said I owed them over $800, I said that wasn't possible I have never had an account with Wells Fargo. They said are you Robert ****? I said no, Wrong Robert. After that whenever someone called and asked for Robert, I'd say which Robert are you looking for?

Incidentally someone called the other day wondering if my wife still did piece work. Wrong Robert.

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