Monday, July 10, 2006

Study This

It's not often I have time for breakfast. Well one recent weekend I had the opportunity and not wanting to miss the chance to have the perfect breakfast I commissioned a study.

Given my limited resources I hired Ajax Consulting & Taxidermy. The owner explained he once did consulting on a full-time basis, but found the other more rewarding. Go figure.

Here's what Mike (not his real name) found out. He suggested organic non-sweeted orange juice because of its health benefits, but argued flavored coffees are a popular choice. Mike also weighed the pros and cons of milk, prune juice, soda, water, the old breakfast shake and a few others.

Next eggs or not, there are a number of varieties including none at all. From the picture you can see which I like. Moving on to other choices I could have pancakes, waffles, french toast, hash browns, toast, a breakfast sandwich, cold pizza, breakfast bars.

If you have eggs there's usually a choice of meat such as bacon, sausage, ham, etc. Because it might offend some stray PETA member I decided to opt out of a breakfast meat choice.

My usual breakfast is cold cereal and milk, but Mike again pointed out the multitude of cereal choices and alternatives like oatmeal. I never knew there were so many breakfast choices. I've never seen that many at a fast food restaurant.

Mike was good enough to also list any breakfast options that might get me in trouble with any political factions like PETA, unions or health concerns. He also provided bar graphs on the popularity of certain choices and the overall cost and investment of time I would put into preparing my ultimate choice.

By this time I am wondering if I should have commissioned another study. After all you can never be sure that the data in front of you isn't tainted. Maybe Mike has stock in Kellogg's.

Finally a choice is made...and I've worked up an appetite. Problem is I've wasted the whole morning pouring over the study and now it's time for lunch. Although it wasn't backed by a study, I pick up a burger at a fast food restaurant.

My study is a success. I wasted my time, my resources and didn't trust my own instincts enough to make a choice that ultimately was up to me in the first place.


Anonymous said...

Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site! Keep up the good work. Thanks.

Anonymous said...

The best breakfast in town was at Lion's Den cafe on First and Main. They were real good with them eggs, even sprinkling glass shards in them.

Now I have to settle for the crummy Rolling Meadows eggs, the ones the Hispanic chefs can't cook at all!

Unhappy Weirdo

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